Why All-Or-Nothing Doesn't Work Anymore

I know the last 6 weeks I've been quiet over email, and slowly, I'll make my way back. But I do want to thank you all for being here. And for choosing to receive this weekly newsletter. 

About a month ago our lives changed forever. Our dad went from living his retired physician life to intubated in the ICU. Like, wtf?

We had 5 docs in the family who were heavily involved everyday. We had the best brains on his unique, unprecedented medical case. There were no studies, no data, no evidence about his complicated medical situation.

He fought hard. We fought hard when he couldn't. His team did everything and then some.

Our dad passed on September 2nd. And, it sucks. It's shitty. It's cruel. Utterly heartbroken doesn't cover it.

How are we coping? Through crying, laughing, and Taco Bell (ifykyk). Leaning on each other. Trying to help our mom. They did everything for each other. Literally.

Some days I have my own words for this. Other days? Not really. And I find myself scrolling for someone else's poem or caption that says it for me. If you've been in this, you get it.

My Peri Journey Today

I want to be honest with you though.

A few years ago, I don't know how I would have gotten through this. The old me would have spiraled and would have managed her reactions AFTER the fact instead of preparing to take control over what I can. That version of me was running on perfectionism, and perimenopause pulled the rug out from under it. The work I've done on my body and my mindset is what got me to a place where I could show up for this and be useful.

Because here's the thing, even in the middle of all this. Peri does not take a vacation from its biology. Your hormones don't care if your kids are acting out; or if work is in a busy season; or if your back goes out; and it definitely doesn't care that you're grieving.

The goal is not perfection, but intention.

And lately, sleep is the one I'm actively working on as life is still heavy, which is exactly why we're getting into it today.

Let's talk about what's actually happening at 3am...

The Biology Bit - Dr. Flora's Notes:

Picture it. You're asleep, then boom, eyes open at 3:14am like your body just got a text.

Here's what's happening. Progesterone is your calming, sleep-supporting hormone, and it's usually the first one to decline in perimenopause. When it drops, cortisol (your wake-up hormone) is free to spike in the early morning hours with nothing to hold it back. Add night sweats to that, and you're getting yanked out of deep sleep even when you don't fully wake up. It may not happen nightly… or it may (and, I'm sorry).

That is not insomnia. That is your out of line hormones fluctuations taking control. But guess what? You can take some control back.

This Week's Reset

One small thing I want you to do this week:

Drop your bedroom temperature to 65°F (ideally 60-67°F) an hour before bed. Not "cool-ish". Actually cold.

The habit: Don't have a smart thermometer to automatically set the PM temperature? No worries. Set a phone reminder for one hour before your target bedtime. When it goes off, turn the thermostat down and don't touch it again until morning. Your core body temperature has to drop for you to fall into deep sleep, and in perimenopause your internal thermostat is already fighting you. Giving it a colder environment is one of the few sleep levers you actually control.

Try it for seven nights and pay attention to one thing: how quickly you fall back asleep if you do wake up at 3am. That's your data point.

Hit reply and tell me your usual bedroom temperature. I'm curious.

Ready to Get Yourself Back? 

If you've been chalking up your 3am wake-ups to stress or "just a bad week," it might be time to see the full picture. My free Perimenopause Pattern Check helps you figure out what's actually driving your symptoms so you can stop guessing and start working with your body.

Take the free assessment HERE.

P.S. For some of us, we've been back to school for a few weeks now and burnout might be creeping in by now. Soon I'll be sharing what's actually happening under the surface and why peri makes it hit harder than it should. It's been on my mind.